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I failed. I failed so bad.

It was supposed to look like this:

…but actually looked like this:

I may have left it in the oven too long, I may have used the wrong type of pan. I should have not replaced puff pastry with pie dough.

Here’s the recipe from the accidental vegetarian if you want to give it a try.

Banana Tarte Tatin, serves 6

Ingredients:

• 3 + 1/2 tablespoons water
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 12 bananas, peeled and cut into 2-inch chunks
• 7 ounces ready-rolled puff pastry
• whipped cream, for topping

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 375°F
2. combine water and sugar in a pan over heat and let the sugar dissolve without stirring
3. then simmer until the sugar water is a golden color
4. add the butter to the golden sugar water
5. pour the golden butter sugar water into a 7-inch round pan
6. pack the bananas tightly into the pan
7. press the puff pastry over top and trim the edges
8. bake about 20 minutes until the pastry is crisp and golden
9. let cool until just warm, then flip the pan over onto a plate and…supposedly the whole thing is supposed to come out and look all pretty
10. then you can supposedly put whipped cream on it

I have no idea what it’s supposed to taste like.

Today is cake day.

The recipe is based on one from The America’s Test Kitchen Family Cookbook. Along with the 800-odd pages of recipes, the book focuses on processes: what worked for them and what didn’t, products: reviews of various ingredients and cooking supplies, and photos: I like photos.

Chocolate Cake, makes 2 9-inch rounds or 24 cupcakes

Ingredients:

• dry
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup cocoa powder
• 1 + 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoons salt
• wet
• 1 + 1/2 sticks butter, unsalted!!! room temperature!!!
• 1 + 3/4 cups sugar
• 4 eggs, also room temperature!!!
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 + 1/2 cups whole milk, don’t forget: room temperature!!!

Instructions:

1. turn your oven to 350°F
2. prepare a couple 9-inch cake pans butter/flour style, or parchment paper style, whatever you have to do to keep the cake from getting stuck in the pan…or set up your cupcake pan
3. use your trusty wooden spoon to mix the drys in a bowl
4. should you choose the fancy route, get out your electric mixer and beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy; otherwise, get a large bowl and a fork and mix the butter and sugar until your arm is too tired to continue
5. add an egg to your butter-sugar; mix. repeat 3 more times
6. mix in the vanilla
7. mix in 1/3 of the drys, carefully, so you don’t spray the counter with cocoa flour
8. stir in half the milk
9. go ahead and just dump in the rest of the flour and milk and stir it all up
10. pour the batter into your two meticulously prepared pans (or cupcake pan), evenly, so the cakes turn out equally good (or equally screwed up)
11. put them in the oven, obviously. wait 20-25 minutes. take them out when a toothpick, inserted in the cake, comes out with just a couple crumbs on it. no gooey stuff

OMG, this post is so long and I haven’t even got to the frosting yet.

Vanilla Frosting

Ingredients:

• 2 tablespoons whole milk
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• exactly 1 pinch of salt
• 2 + 1/2 sticks butter, unsalted, room temperature, blah, blah
• 2 + 1/2 cups powdered sugar

Instructions:

1. put all that butter in a bowl and stir up. so it’s smoooooth
2. mix in the powdered sugar
3. add the milk, vanilla and salt
4. just beat and beat and beat until it looks like fluffy bunnies and clouds, or whatever

Now, you can just stop here if you want. Rip off a chunk of cake and start scooping frosting into your mouth. If you want to actually frost your cake, please wait until it’s completely cooled.

If you plan on actually building this thing, you’ll have to devote about four hours of your day to cake. What, you’ve got more important things to do? I obviously didn’t.