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What about this: I really like eggs Benedict, but only if the English muffin is replaced with a crumpet, the Canadian bacon is replaced with pancetta (lightly pan fried), and the poached egg does not include the yolk.

Today is cake day.

The recipe is based on one from The America’s Test Kitchen Family Cookbook. Along with the 800-odd pages of recipes, the book focuses on processes: what worked for them and what didn’t, products: reviews of various ingredients and cooking supplies, and photos: I like photos.

Chocolate Cake, makes 2 9-inch rounds or 24 cupcakes

Ingredients:

• dry
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup cocoa powder
• 1 + 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoons salt
• wet
• 1 + 1/2 sticks butter, unsalted!!! room temperature!!!
• 1 + 3/4 cups sugar
• 4 eggs, also room temperature!!!
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 + 1/2 cups whole milk, don’t forget: room temperature!!!

Instructions:

1. turn your oven to 350°F
2. prepare a couple 9-inch cake pans butter/flour style, or parchment paper style, whatever you have to do to keep the cake from getting stuck in the pan…or set up your cupcake pan
3. use your trusty wooden spoon to mix the drys in a bowl
4. should you choose the fancy route, get out your electric mixer and beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy; otherwise, get a large bowl and a fork and mix the butter and sugar until your arm is too tired to continue
5. add an egg to your butter-sugar; mix. repeat 3 more times
6. mix in the vanilla
7. mix in 1/3 of the drys, carefully, so you don’t spray the counter with cocoa flour
8. stir in half the milk
9. go ahead and just dump in the rest of the flour and milk and stir it all up
10. pour the batter into your two meticulously prepared pans (or cupcake pan), evenly, so the cakes turn out equally good (or equally screwed up)
11. put them in the oven, obviously. wait 20-25 minutes. take them out when a toothpick, inserted in the cake, comes out with just a couple crumbs on it. no gooey stuff

OMG, this post is so long and I haven’t even got to the frosting yet.

Vanilla Frosting

Ingredients:

• 2 tablespoons whole milk
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• exactly 1 pinch of salt
• 2 + 1/2 sticks butter, unsalted, room temperature, blah, blah
• 2 + 1/2 cups powdered sugar

Instructions:

1. put all that butter in a bowl and stir up. so it’s smoooooth
2. mix in the powdered sugar
3. add the milk, vanilla and salt
4. just beat and beat and beat until it looks like fluffy bunnies and clouds, or whatever

Now, you can just stop here if you want. Rip off a chunk of cake and start scooping frosting into your mouth. If you want to actually frost your cake, please wait until it’s completely cooled.

If you plan on actually building this thing, you’ll have to devote about four hours of your day to cake. What, you’ve got more important things to do? I obviously didn’t.

Even though frozen and deflated (like my attitude), the ten blueberries resting atop my yogurt-granola really add some zing (also like my attitude), don’t you think?

Somedays, a lot of days, I go to the kitchen around dinner time. It’s a fairly predictive occurrence. Out of those times when I go to the kitchen, more often then not, I am in search of food. As one would expect. I go, I bake a potato, I eat the potato. I realize an hour later, I’m hungry. I go, I put some cream cheese on bread, I eat the cream cheese bread. A half-hour passes by, and I wonder why I didn’t just make a whole dinner and be done with it.

Now is the time to make dinner. This one took about 10 minutes from thinking about what to make to having the fork in my mouth. So it should take less time for you, I suppose.

Soba noodles with spinach, serves 1

Ingredients:

• a pot of boiling water
• buckwheat soba noodles
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1/4 inch slice fresh ginger, minced
• soy sauce
• rice or cider vinegar
• 1 handful spinach, chopped up into little pieces
• sesame seeds

Instructions:

1. cook the noodles in your pot of boiling water
2. take your noodles out of the water and place them in your soup bowl
3. leave some water in the pot for soup broth (maybe a cup and a half)
4. dump in the garlic, ginger and spinach
5. add soy sauce and vinegar to the water, to taste
6. as soon as it begins a boil, turn the heat off
7. pour your creation over the noodles
8. top with sesame seeds, for good looks

Eat that.

This design I’ve created
It’s maybe a little too varied
It will look better updated
I suck at poetry
Get married
Better stick to prose
Here’s a lunch I ate a year ago

This is from Red’s Java House in San Francisco. Come for the atmosphere, stay for the atmosphere. I mean, the food is okay. Just burgers and fries and a giant dispenser of mayonnaise. Little packets of relish. But the place is a little shack on a, basically deserted, pier. Go there. Pier 30. San Francisco. Get some damn fries.

Scallions are like glitter for boring food. Every time I chop a scallion, I cry a little. I’m just so sensitive.